April 1, 2022 | Columbus, Ohio — How many times during the day do you think 'this is totally out of control' and wish you had a master shutoff switch? Now, thanks to wizard technology developed by the International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI), there's a new virtual assistant to help you live trouble-free. That's right — stop ALL the out-of-control conditions when and where they first occur.

With the new Jidoka automated assistant, you aren't limited to shutting down a single machine on the production line. Engage Jidoka to immediately avoid further frustration, misinformation, and boredom in your daily life. Our new Jidoka virtual assistant will rapidly respond to identify a broad array of problems and shut…them…down. The attractive design compliments any decor and operates within a 20' range of the unit. Approved by the International Six Sigma Safety Organization (ISSSO). Get Jidoka. Get control.

COMING SOON

Watch for upcoming announcements of additional versions currently under development:

• The geoengineering model will be equipped to shut down out-of-control weather such as cyclones, hurricanes, and earthquakes. Geared for home use, but mobile-friendly for travel. Pre-release discount code: MAYDAY.
• The shhh-bot model will be our most advanced model and only available through premier distributors. It will operate on telepathic commands to make its operation virtually undetectable. Control the noise by quickly muting annoying colleagues, family, and friends. Expected release in 2023.

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April 1, 2021 | Columbus, Ohio — With MoreStream Bait & Tackle and a slew of other new subsidiaries, the International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) aims to cast a wide net beyond its existing customer base. Under the deal, ISSISSIPPI will launch several new businesses as part of its new strategic partnership with MoreSteam.com.

ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky explained, "We're solving a community problem — MoreSteam was turning business away when people called for services that they didn't offer, all due to common spelling errors. Kelsey Kassadee, Business Administrator, contacted me to explore the potential of redirecting the opportunities to us. I did an in-depth market analysis and after an exhausting three minutes said 'sure!'"

The initial set of startups will include a variety of services that will literally provide something for everyone. Slated for opening in the next day or two: MoreStream Bait & Tackle, MoreScream Haunted House & Escape Room, MoreScreen Motion Pictures, MoreScheme Surprise Party Planning, and MoreEsteem Motivational Speakers.

"These business ventures are well outside of MoreSteam's scope of operations so we applaud the courage and creativity of ISSISSIPPI taking up the challenge," remarked MoreSteam Executive Peg Penn. "We wish them the best of luck. And if they fall short, MoreSteam will be there with data analytics to assess what went wrong and to offer appropriate countermeasures."

Click the links below for a quick introduction to these new businesses.

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April 1, 2020 | Columbus, Ohio — As global thought leaders in process improvement, ISSISSIPPI is thrilled to introduce a new collection of screen-display options that will change the way you view the world.

While Dark Mode continues to grow in popularity, we strive to go above and beyond the competition. That's why we're so proud to offer new Modern Modes that will take your viewing experience to the next level.

Rather than simply change the background of your screen, Modern Modes add fun, color and a little extra personality to your device.

"Simply put, Dark Mode is so yesterday," ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minksy says. "Our enhanced Modern Modes are here for today, and they're here to stay!"

While ISSISSIPPI led the development of these exciting new display modes, we partnered with MoreSteam to show what they look like on eLearning courses and process improvement software.

Click the links below to browse the full collection.

• Pac-Man Mode (eLearning) — Gamify your learning experience! Choose from over 200 hours of online coursework, but be sure to memorize any new information before it's eaten.
• Matrix Mode (TRACtion) — Take the red pill to find out why this cloud-based project management system is the "One" for you.
• Fixer-Upper Mode (EngineRoom) — If your living room and kitchen can benefit from a remodel, why shouldn't your data analysis software? This mode comes with the Chip & Joanna stamp of approval.
• 'Stranger Things' Mode (eLearning) — It's the mashup everyone's been waiting for: One of the hottest new shows in years crosses over into the world of Lean Six Sigma training!
• Meow Mode (EngineRoom) — Put the 'fine' in 'feline' with this easy-to-use process improvement software that'll have your whole team imagining the pawsibilities.

Coming soon!

• Beast Mode
• Depeche Mode
• A La Mode

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April 01, 2019 - COLUMBUS, OHIO Today, after many months of concerted effort, ISSISSIPPI announced the development of a groundbreaking new quality measurement system that addresses a glaring unmet need — the accurate assessment of really, really bad quality.

Other metrics, such as Sigma Level or Defects Per Million Opportunities (DPMO), are effective scales for goods or services with high quality, but they are not designed to measure the complete absence of quality — where only bad things happen.

ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky commented on the problem of measuring something that doesn't exist: "We're left with trying to compare subjective phrases, like 'epically bad quality', or 'tragically awful service', or 'product quality meltdown', or even 'pathetic mega-failed dumpster fire of an experience'. How do you compare one to another? There's no objective scale to render an accurate quality assessment, and as we know, all improvement starts with understanding baseline performance."

Minsky continued: "We've been working on this theoretical challenge for quite some time without much success, but our labs have recently had a breakthrough inspired by an unlikely source: the Fyre Festival. From all accounts, the quality of the Fyre Festival was so dreadful that it defines the bottom of the scale for poor quality. From there, it's just a matter of incrementing the scale based on the number of defects or errors for each unit or service. Appropriately, we call this new system for measuring really bad quality the Fyre Scale."

ISSISSIPPI has developed a convenient online app to calculate the exact Fyre Level for any poor-quality product or service, and has now made that application available to the public for free. (No download required.) Using this online resource, merely input the number of errors or defects per unit of product or service, and the corresponding Fyre Level is automatically calculated. Relevant examples are provided for reference.

According to MoreSteam President Peg Pennington, "the new Fyre Scale solves a pressing problem, and will be well received". Pennington added: "there is just no way to express how valuable ISSISSIPPI contributions have been to the process improvement community. They are truly a global treasure."

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Columbus, Ohio - April 1, 2018 - Today, ISSISSIPPI.org announced the results of a groundbreaking study on technology-driven learning. The almost-year-long study examined the impact of typeface selection on learning effectiveness across a wide range of digital learning platforms. The research question of interest was whether small and simple changes to the typeface of digital content could improve learning outcomes.

Not surprisingly, there was a fair amount of skepticism in the research community that merely changing a typeface could produce improved outcomes, but that is exactly what the study indicates, with effect sizes ranging from 8% to 43%. More surprisingly, the typefaces found to be most effective are actually some of the less popular choices among designers.

ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky was effusive in praising the research: "In the true spirit of Lean Six Sigma, the best improvement projects are the ones where you can make a simple change and yield a big improvement. This study really proves the value of the original research underwritten by ISSISSIPPPI."

When challenged about the study's methodology, Minsky clarified the experimental design used in the research: "ISSISSIPPI is committed to rigorous academic inquiry using proven methods in order to advance the state of knowledge in our industry. Accordingly, this study did in fact use a methodology, including a sample and measurements. We are very confident in the results."

One noted learning expert commented on the study: "We were surprised to see the positive results associated with Comic Sans, in particular, but you know, all those elementary school teachers must have known something that we just didn't want to accept until we got the facts. Our theory is that these typefaces help focus student attention by some mechanism that is not yet understood."

Minsky noted that next phase of the research is to identify how the various typefaces can best be used together. "Perhaps there is a multiplier effect if, for example Comic Sans and Papyrus are used together." Any organization that would like to contribute to further research in this area is urged to contact ISSISSIPPI.org.

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The Stellar-est Lean Six Sigma Credential. The Best. Ever. Anywhere.

POWELL, OH - April 1, 2017 - The world leader in process improvement and advanced analytics, ISSISSIPPI, today announces a significant enhancement to its cutting edge process for Lean Six Sigma certification by brain scan. After untold hours of rigorous validation studies, ISSISSIPPI's certification process has been accredited by ICSSA, the Intergalactic Council for Six Sigma Accreditation.

ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky effused: "We are very, very proud of this third party recognition. It's huge. Now our certifications are not only the best on this planet, but are also recognized as best on any planet. And there are lots of those out there. When I say a lot, I mean very very many. I mean, there could be billions and billions of planets, and our black belts will be good on all of them. What a deal. This may be something that we should actually charge for. You know, this is also a business, and now these certifications are the best. Everywhere. Believe me - best anywhere!"

ISSISSIPPI's mission is to apply the power of science to provide reliable objective skill assessments using advanced methods which entail little or no time, trouble, or cost (and certainly none of that boring project work). Among the institute's many important contributions to the profession is the now-standard Lean Six Sigma belt certification by brain scan, available for free at http://www.ississippi.org/scan.cfm.

Minksy continued: "We first approached the ICSSA after reading about the coming explosion in space tourism and plans to travel to the moon and Mars. OK, bad word there, let's just say increase instead of explosion. We wanted to make sure that our certification candidates would be welcomed, and their credentials recognized, by whatever alien lifeforms they may encounter. The ICSSA was initially skeptical of our proprietary brain scan technology, and I have to admit that I was somewhat skeptical myself when we first developed it. But after we paid our accreditation fee, the ICSSA felt a lot better about our technology. As I always say, 'good science backed up by data always wins in the end.'"

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Groundbreaking data analysis technique simplifies Lean Six Sigma projects

Columbus, Ohio — The world leader in process improvement and advanced analytics, ISSISSIPPI, has announced the winner of the 2016 Thales Award for Excellence in Statistical Analysis. The 2016 award honors the groundbreaking work of Alan Gao, a statistician and developer at MoreSteam.com, for the creation of "Gao's Histogram", a game-changing approach to the graphical analysis of complex data sets.

The prestigious Thales Award was named after the ancient Greek philosopher and mathematician Thales of Miletus, considered to be one of the Seven Sages and an early father of statistical analysis. The Thales trophy honors significant achievement in the science of data analysis and the advancement of data visualization. It has been awarded every year since 2016.

Zoltan Minsky, President of ISSISSIPPI, discussed the importance of Gao's discovery in a recent interview: "Gao's new histogram is truly revolutionary. Mr. Gao's brilliance lies in the insight that the central problem in the comparative analysis of data sets which are very different is the degree of difference. By creating a single-bin histogram, all data distributions are reduced to a single parameter, called 'n', which drastically simplifies the analysis. This is the type of focused analysis that really resonates with business leaders looking for simple solutions to complex problems. I couldn't be more excited."

Here is an illustration of the brilliant simplicity of Gao's Histogram:

Below, you can see standard histograms of two data sets. Note that they have very different shapes, which dramatically complicates any comparison.

By applying Gao's algorithm, each of the histograms is reduced to a single "bin", such that the height of the bar is the only comparative element.

Upon receiving the award, Gao was speechless for several minutes. He commented: "I've been working on the concept of a 'statistical singularity' ever since my first statistics class. The singularity is a point where all analysis becomes self-evident, in a break from the paradox of Skrivanek's Inevitability; i.e., every level of analysis leads to a deeper and even more inscrutable level of analysis in a never ending cycle of despair. Until now, the singularity was only a theoretical prediction of the standard model of statistics. Now we have evidence that we can move beyond the event horizon toward that singularity. My mom will be so happy."

When asked "What's next?" after reaching the pinnacle of theoretical statistics, Mr. Gao shed some light on his plans for the future: "I'm working on a book using my discovery as a theme. It will be an action-adventure novel. And if I get it right, I think I can reduce it to a single page."

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Columbus, Ohio — The International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) today announced an exciting new product: Constrix TM process shapewear, a groundbreaking new development in the field of cosmetic process improvement. Inspired by the slim and attractive figures rendered by human shapewear, ISSISSIPPI has applied similar technology to reshape all types of data distributions, and to rein in those process dunlops, big-boned data, and pesky long tails that extend well beyond reasonable specifications.

ISSISSIPPI President Zoltan Minsky recently commented on the technological breakthrough: "This technology finally allows organizations to improve process capability instantaneously. It's really the holy grail of process improvement — all of the gain with hardly any pain." Notably, Constrix does not reduce the number of observations in a sample, it only changes the values of those observations to conform with customer requirements. Continued Minsky: "It's really a very simple concept. The algorithm only alters the outward appearance of a process, without changing the real stuff. Real fundamental process improvement is nice, but it can take forever. As always, we're concerned with helping organizations meet their more immediate needs, like an upcoming audit, project tollgate review, or a presentation to regulators. Constrix offers the perfect solution to those problems."

ISSISSIPPI's Director of European Operations, Kathleen Mueller echoed the sentiments of global process improvement leaders: "Our clients continually express a need for quicker fixes. They tell us that process improvement is hard, and they are under constant pressure to achieve results. The short-term discomfort of the Constrix shapewear is far easier to endure than the work required to actually fix a bad process. Besides, as my mother always said, 'If you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer a little.' One tip that I can share based on early customer feedback is to select Constrix's full coverage option to avoid the 'muffin top' effect of letting the control stop too soon."

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Columbus, Ohio — The International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) today announced a free online Big Data analytical tool. As CEO's everywhere have become enamored with all things Big Data, ISSISSIPPI recognized the need to better enable lean six sigma practitioners of all levels to embrace Big Data. By partnering with the world class statisticians and developers at MoreSteam.com for technical support, ISSISSIPPI was able to respond to the market need and quickly develop insightful and simple-to-use web-based Big Data software that is now available to everyone . The ISSISSIPPI Big Data tool rounds out a comprehensive portfolio of software and services, all offered free to Lean Six Sigma professionals.

Zoltan Minsky, President of ISSISSIPPI, recently weighed in on the subject: "Big Data is important, but what about those with small data? Who fights for the little guy? The law of large numbers was not intended to restrict access to an exclusive club, but that's what's happened, and those without large numbers have been unable to find a spot on the bandwagon. We're changing that. From now on, anyone can have Big Data, and I mean really large numbers."

ISSISSIPPI's Big Data tool also stays true to Lean Enterprise principles. "This new approach to making sense out of data is consistent with sound lean management fundamentals. Big Data is now available on demand, with a lot size of 1, and the results are much easier to interpret because they are so much easier to see. That's what I call visual management" commented Peg Pennington, noted lean expert, and Director of the Center for Operational Excellence at Ohio State University's Fisher College of Business.

Zoltan Minsky also commented on the importance of visual interpretation: "Larger numbers are certainly easier to see, so they provide a substantial benefit to the practice of statistical analysis. With data this big, virtually any observed difference is significant, and what better way to communicate that significance senior management than through really large numbers?"

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The ISSISSIPPI has taken advantage of recent advances in neuroscience and internet technology to offer an objective, reliable certification process at far lower cost and in far less time. We can now directly assess your Lean Six Sigma skills via internet-enabled computer brain scan! Our non-invasive and painless process lasts only a few seconds and can be completed from any global location, yielding the type of iron-clad certification that the market has demanded but never received until now.

And best of all, it's FREE!

To start the certification process, click the button on the right and follow the simple instructions.

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Mobile learning takes Lean Six Sigma training to the Gemba

The International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) today announced that it will no longer charge customers for access to its industry-leading Lean Six Sigma training courses. In response to market demand and the growing popularity of portable tablets such as the iPad 2, ISSISSIPPI has decided to make its online training materials available to the public for free and to simultaneously convert them to a more convenient tablet format.

ISSISSIPPI recognizes the competitive nature of today's Lean Six Sigma training market. To compete with heavily discounted or existing "open" online training offerings, ISSISSIPPI firmly believes that the winning combination of zero pricing and mobile learning will draw in thousands of additional customers, who will then be amenable to purchasing other modestly priced tools and materials. While this approach of enticing customers with free content — also known as "freemiums" - has worked poorly for consultancies within the same industry, ISSISSIPPI believes it can avoid the mistakes of its competitors through marketing ingenuity and the dedication of its members.

"The tablet format is ideal for the Gemba," declared ISSISSIPPI CEO Zoltan Minsky. "Our customers can now take their training lessons with them as they walk the process! With the tablet format, customers will not be inconvenienced by sporadic fifteen-minute server shutdowns or platform incompatibilities. And since our learning content hasn't generated any revenue anyways, we will not only lean out our sales and accounting staff, but our programming staff as well. Tablets will completely eliminate the costly burden of having to continuously update our training materials. It's a classic win-win-win-win."

Determined to lift sagging sales, ISSISSIPPI's management performed a TRIZ study this winter on how to create durable, dependable learning delivered via a traditional, time-tested medium. After failed attempts with wax, papyrus, wood shavings, adobe, and soapstone, the society finally settled on the stone tablet as the ideal, low-cost solution for its new training content. The abundance of limestone deposits in the Columbus, Ohio area will provide ISSISSIPPI stone cutters and chiselers with a high-quality local source for their tablets. While somewhat heavy, the tablets can be carried for short distances by two physically fit individuals. Lighter, Mesopotamian-style fired clay tablets will be available as a course option in 2012.

"The real winner is the customer," explained Minsky. "Not only is the Lean Six Sigma training free, but there's no need to purchase an expensive maintenance contract. The tablets are guaranteed to last a minimum of 40,000 years and are destined to become organizational treasures, handed down through generations of process improvement practitioners." Minsky adds: "While the tablets themselves are free, there is a modest charge for tablet delivery, which starts at $945,000 within 100 miles of Columbus. The fee doubles for every 500 additional miles beyond that geographic zone." ISSISSIPPI will also levee a $250,000 surcharge for overseas shipping.

ISSISSIPPI's masonry staff has been hard at work in the production of the new tablets. The first course to be released this month will be the Yellow Belt, which will consist of 340 individual tablets, each weighing approximately 75 pounds, for a total weight of 12.75 short tons. The tablets will be available in eight languages: English, Etruscan, Sanskrit, Proto-Indoeuropean, Umbrian, Sumerian, Esperanto and Elbonian. All courses will include two hammers, four carbide stone chisels, and ten additional blank tablets for interactive group exercises. For a limited time, ISSISSIPPI will include a customized abacus with each order. The abacus set can be dangled from a rawhide rope around the waist for mobile computing.

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No-cost Black Belt Certification Now Available to All!

The ISSISSIPPI has developed a breakthrough in the controversy surrounding Lean Six Sigma Certification standards: the Lean Six Sigma WonderFun Activity Book. Individuals can now self-certify in Lean Six Sigma at a fraction of the cost and time required by picky training providers that demand real-world project evaluations and question-based testing. Available for free to all qualified Lean Six Sigma Black Belt candidates, this activity covers wide-ranging Lean Six Sigma techniques, including process naming, color coding, way finding and process fixing.

The International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Imperious Professionals of Process Improvement (ISSISSIPPI) today announced a breakthrough in the controversy surrounding Lean Six Sigma Certification standards. ISSISSIPPI now will guarantee certification for all candidates who complete its thorough, mentally challenging Lean Six Sigma WonderFun Activity Book. Individuals can now self-certify at a fraction of the cost and time required by picky training providers that demand real-world project evaluations and question-based testing.

ISSISSIPPI, the organization that revolutionized the certification industry by introducing the Internet-based brain scan, developed the WonderFun activity book after researching dozens of certification programs, stealing the best ideas and ignoring the rigor. ISSISSIPPI CEO Zoltan Minsky summarized the result: "We found dozens of programs with certification requirements that included pretend projects, fill-in-the-blank projects, 4th-grade math tests, and nothing more than credit card signatures. All of these options are, like, really confusing to candidates and are super expensive," confided Minsky.

The WonderFun Activity book, representing days of research by semi-knowledgeable ISSISSIPPI staff, employs the activities that engage all ages of students. Between the book covers, the book covers wide-ranging Lean Six Sigma techniques, including process naming, color coding, way finding and process fixing. While requiring a special crayon for completion, which ISSISSIPPI will sell to all candidates for $8,000, the ISSISSIPPI activity booklet is nonetheless approachable for anyone who desires to be called "Black Belt." "We are pretty sure this new ISSISSIPPI process, based on our activity workbook, will finally provide a definitive skill assessment based on real capability, not conjecture, I think, maybe," Minsky mused.

In addition to developing useful process improvement skills, the activity book also includes a section on innovation index self-testing, so that candidates can determine their own marvelousity without embarrassing interviews or rejection. Added Minsky, "This initial release of the Lean Six Sigma WonderFun activity book and certification guide is just the beginning, we hope, maybe. We will release even more spectacular stuff later on after we have a chance to figure out whether the strategy of giving away free activity books and charging a lot for crayons is working for us."

Lean Six Sigma thought leaders have voiced nothing less than full support for the ISSISSIPPI initiative. "Organizations are very concerned about the reliability of credentials," stated Bill Hathaway, President of MoreSteam.com, the leading provider of online Lean Six Sigma training. "We believe that this self-certifying approach by ISSISSIPPI represents a faster, better, and cheaper path toward the goal of ad hoc certification. Certification can now be administered on a worldwide basis using a single standard, at virtually no cost. At last, we have a way of identifying the true pretendicon."

This new certification process is now available - at no cost - to all qualified Lean Six Sigma Black Belt candidates. Download your copy today!

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On-Line Access Makes Training Available in Shipping Lanes Worldwide!

The International Six Sigma Institute and Secret Society for Influential Professionals of Process Improvement ("ISSISSIPPI") (pronounced "aye-ss-aye-ss-aye-pp-aye") today announced the release of its long-awaited "high seas" version of online Lean Six Sigma training. Designed specifically for the pirate community, these newly available updates to ISSISSIPPI's online Lean Six Sigma course offerings are guaranteed to improve plundering and pillaging.

The pirate community has enthusiastically embraced the new release of these Pirate-style courses. "Ever since treasure-laden ships have plied the bounding main, the pirate community has long clamored for tools to improve the quality and profitability of our hijackings," commented famous pirate and consultant to ISSISSIPPI, Captain Barnacle Bill. "We have taken special care to assure these courses are both useful to the pirate community, and also sensitive to the special needs of those who have suffered the indignities of being keel-hauled, sunburned or bounced off the plank."

ISSISSIPPI has embedded multiple innovations within its Pirate courses, and adapted case studies and industry slang into the online offerings, accelerating Pirate understanding and application of the underlying principles. Pirate-specific lessons, such as "Using Box Plots to Find Buried Treasure," will reduce lead times and variability for all Pirates seeking to recover their lost fortunes. New interactive features include videotaped interviews of actual Pirates explaining how they apply Lean Six Sigma improvement methodologies in their everyday lives. Among the more entertaining videos is the lesson on hypothesis testing, featuring a ditty composed by First Mate Black Bart titled "Yo Ho Ho, If the P is Low You Can Reject the Ho".

Appearing with Barnacle Bill, peg-legged pirate Ms. Eileen Over elaborated on Capt'n Barnacle's comments. "Personally, I always struggled with knowing when to use either an XmArrrgh chart or an Aye (individuals) chart," she confided. "Going through these Pirate courses has made chart selection easier than plundering a foundering brigantine." Ms. Over also noted that while Web access was less reliable at sea, the online courses, offered through ISSISSIPPI's strategic partner MoreSteam.com, were a perfect fit for the periods of quiet, inter-pillage down time.

In related developments, ISSISSIPPI also added the "Jolly Roger" belt to its portfolio of Lean Six Sigma belt certifications. As with all ISSISSIPPI certifications, which are conducted by brain scan, all ear-rings and other piercing jewelry must be removed from the head during the scan to assure accurate measurement of capabilities.

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